Newsflash.

It's been a few months since I have written. Just now, I went back and read through my previous posts from this year. They left me in tears. I felt those emotions that I was feeling at the time all over again. I remembered how painful my year has been.

BUT...

I have great news! It's what I've been waiting for for so long.
Finally, the mutual feelings I've been dreaming of are being reciprocated. He loves me!!!!
I have had the most amazing couple of months. Full of spontaneity, laughs, dates, sleepovers and affection. I have felt wanted and loved in a way that I honestly hadn't felt for more than a year. The effort that I have seen from his side has been amazing, and has left me smiling day after day after day. It's all I have ever wanted!

BUT...
(you're wondering, how could there be another 'but'? Me too)

I am so scared. Scared that my hopes are so high right now. Scared that I'm so happy.
I'm scared because what am I going to do if I get crushed again? What if he decides again that he doesn't love me? I've had this great taster that I can't come back from now.

I don't want to ruin it for myself with this fear and I can feel myself moving that way and doing it already. I want us to be happy and in love and together building an amazing future. I can see it now. I know that I will be forever happy with him because I can say whole heartedly that I love who he is so so so much.

As the great Macklemore-ingstein said (get the reference? haha) - 'Scared of the future, thinking about the past, while missing out on now'.

I can't be that way. I need to acknowledge that right now is absolutely amazing and I am so lucky to be in the position that I am. I knew we had a reason for never giving up, despite all we have been through in this past year. And that reason is now; because what we have right here, right now, is perfect.

Popular posts from this blog

you know who you are.

Image
When I think of the word ‘love’, all I can think about is you. The concept of loving someone else seems unfathomable, quite frankly, it seems completely out of the picture. Over two years ago now you came into my life. You’d been in my life before, but as more of an extra rather than a lead. But two years ago, at 16 years of age, you took the lead. It’s funny, really, all of a sudden, to me you weren’t that person that I’d kind of known from primary school. You became this intriguing, some may say ‘amazing’ person that I wanted to get to know. As our friendship began to form and we, as much as I hate to admit it, began to flirt, the butterflies I began to feel in my stomach made it evident to me that I would love for it to eventuate to something more. And, after what I can appreciate to be a build up of courage, on that day in June it became exactly that. Unofficial, of course, but ‘seeing each other’ was good enough for me. First date jitters came, as would be expecte...
Read more

High school sweethearts.

Image
High school sweethearts is a topic that I have found to be personal to me, but one that my opinion has changed of so greatly in recent times. I know that the notion of high school sweethearts is somewhat a topic of dispute, with some believing you can't know if you haven't tried anything else and others believing that when you know, you know. For me, years ago I was in the first category. I was terrified by the fact that I hadn't actually experienced anything else. I thought that because my fiancé and I had only dated one another, we could never work out forever. I believed that we needed to see what else was out there. This did put a fair but of strain on our relationship years ago. Let me tell you now, I am so glad that we pushed through those times. So glad because now my opinion has changed entirely to the latter and I feel so strongly about it. To me now, the notion of high school sweethearts is the most hope-filling, lovely thing I can think of. What's bette...
Read more

buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Image
As I’m sitting here today watching the rain drizzle down outside my window, it allows me a brief moment to sit and reflect. A moment to step away from the busy lifestyle we all lead to take some time to ourselves to do some thinking. I can’t help but be symbolic, and see the occasional rainfall likewise to the occasional downfalls I may have in life. They’re there, they’re present for sure, but you have to keep positive and keep remembering that at the end of a storm, comes a rainbow. You won’t always be stuck in a rut, you won’t always be feeling negative or down. Soon enough, the rain will stop, and the storm will end, and you will be graced by some beautiful sunshine. It is these times in life we need to hold onto. I urge everyone to sit and reflect on what it is they are grateful for in life, rather than to dwell on those things that make them feel like they’re the latest star on Days of Our Lives. It’s important to do that now, to take that time out and realize what...
Read more