you know who you are.

When I think of the word ‘love’, all I can think about is you. The concept of loving someone else seems unfathomable, quite frankly, it seems completely out of the picture.

Over two years ago now you came into my life. You’d been in my life before, but as more of an extra rather than a lead. But two years ago, at 16 years of age, you took the lead.

It’s funny, really, all of a sudden, to me you weren’t that person that I’d kind of known from primary school. You became this intriguing, some may say ‘amazing’ person that I wanted to get to know.

As our friendship began to form and we, as much as I hate to admit it, began to flirt, the butterflies I began to feel in my stomach made it evident to me that I would love for it to eventuate to something more. And, after what I can appreciate to be a build up of courage, on that day in June it became exactly that. Unofficial, of course, but ‘seeing each other’ was good enough for me.

First date jitters came, as would be expected, but what I did not know at that time, was that this first date would be one of many to come. Looking back, the innocence of it all was what made it so special. Both so frightened to hold each others hand, to look like a fool, to order a cheeseburger the way I like it, seems so juvenile now. But the nervousness and the anxiousness was all a part of it.

A few dates on and the day of officiality arrived. The nervous ‘Tell him you have a boyfriend” scenario smoothly took place transitioning into asking me to be your girlfriend, with of course, a more than delighted acceptance followed by a face-reddening kiss on the cheek. The memory is so clear as though it was only yesterday. Progressing on that night, the first hand hold. Butterflies going crazy as soon as you go in for the grab, and maintaining themselves there pretty much until the end of the night, or to be honest, pretty much still here to this day.
Then, the first kiss. On that unsuspecting night in August, the moment you took my hand and led me outside, those butterflies appeared more than ever. You told me you loved me and leaned in. At that moment, I could have been anywhere in the world and it would have felt like I was in the middle of Paris in front of a beautiful backdrop of the Eiffel Tower. I could've been in the middle of a war for all I knew, because at that moment, everything else blurred and to this day, the best kiss of my life occured. Despite the lack of experience and the incredibly unguided tongue I probably would have had, that kiss was one I will never forget for the rest of my life.

Months go by, blissfully and swiftly as ever, and, as any good story, the negative climax. The break up that wasn’t really. I say ‘the negative climax’ because that was a low point in some respects, but to me it worked in our favour, it only made us stronger and get to where we are now. And I say,  ‘that wasn’t really’ because like it or not, those feelings we have for each other continued to be present, hence us being together here and now.

The here and now is a part of the story I want to touch on. I can’t change the past, but what I can do is write about what I know now, and how I feel now. To this day, after this long journey that unofficially has been going for over 2 years, I still have those crazy in love*, undeniable feelings for you. You are absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you unconditionally. You provide me with a guaranteed reason to smile. No matter what life throws at me, no matter how bad I’m feeling or how sorry for myself I’m feeling, all I need to think of is you. And then I immediately recall how lucky I am that God gave you to me. Such a special gift, and one that unlike a lot of gifts, I won’t use for a little bit then get rid of. One that, I can say with utter confidence, I will have forever. I promise you now that you have my heart, today, tomorrow and every day after that.

*subtle Beyonce quote, just for you