snapshot of appreciation.
That moment. That clarity. That appreciation.
It hit me recently.
In life, time is crucial. You don’t get a lot of it, and the time you do get needs to be spent wisely. Surrounded by the people you love, by the people who love you. I’ve learnt that wasting time on things that really don’t deserve all that time and attention is juvenile, it’s unnecessary. I’ve learnt that if someone’s worth your time, then they should also make the effort. But most of all, I’ve learnt to appreciate what I have now.
It’s become apparent to me that worrying about the future or being apprehensive is no good. For the most part, I refer to this in regards to relationships.
Being scared that you’re going to lose that person and holding back, is what’s going to make you lose them in the end. Being afraid they may harm you, is only harming yourself. Funny, isn’t it? The things we are afraid of them doing are really what we are already doing to ourselves.
I watched a movie recently, where the character learnt that you need to take life by the arm and run with it. Enjoy what you have now and follow your heart.
I have begun to apply this to my own life. I can recognize the potential now, and I have 100% let my guard down.
As much as I wanted to believe before that it wasn’t up anymore, after almost 22 months, almost 2 years, I finally felt it drop. The shield that I had continued to put up and pin other reasons on was no longer there. No longer will I bring up “do we need a break to see what if?”, no longer will I be uncertain; from here on out I will take it day by day, focusing on the feelings I have now and what my heart tells me now.
In reality, why let something so good pass me by? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the relationship I have. In fact, it’s pretty perfect. And maybe that’s what scared me; the fact that I can not name a flaw, the fact that there’s not a thing I don’t like about the relationship, and the fact that I can truly see myself in this for the rest of my life.
Maybe it was a little too much for me to process. But now, I’m in it. I’m well and truly in it. I’m ready to commit to that, to make an effort, to do everything I can to make it work, to push those fears aside, to keep those undying feelings alive.
He doesn’t make it hard though, let me say that. Most lovable, cute, kind, thoughtful, loyal boy on the planet. He is what some would refer to as the safe option, yes, but to me he’s also the only option. And right here, right now, today, although only a snapshot of appreciation written, I appreciate all that I have.