I'm tired.

I am so damn tired.
Tired of not being good enough. Tired of putting in unreturned effort. Tired of telling myself it'll all work out. Tired of getting my hopes up. Tired of just having to accept that people's shitty mistakes can ruin your heart. Tired of loving someone who is seemingly never going to love me back.

Self-worth. It's a concept that everyone may think they will hold when the time comes but it's so much easier said than done. I thought I had it.
But when you're constantly pushing to be good enough for somebody to love, you lose it. You become someone craving some love and affection to make you feel you're worthy.

All I want is to be loved. The way I once was. When someone used to tell me I looked gorgeous, that I was so kind, that they could never get enough of me.
That's the hardest part about once having something amazing. You'll continue to compare to it. The thing is, everyone deserves that. Nobody deserves to have it ripped away.

I'm beginning to lose hope that one day I'll get it. I'm beginning to believe that I'm horrible and unlovable. I guess that's what happens after some time. If someone with a seven year bond can't make you feel amazing and love you beyond doubt, how will anyone ever?

I'm disappointed in how everything's turned out. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought we were stronger than this.



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